binging

[wallermc]

I eat a healing macro diet and 1-2x per week for the past many months, i binge on high fat foods (nuts and nut butters). this happens especially at night, while i am sleeping, i eat 1-3x throughout the night. i feel unconscious doing so, but recognize this as being obviously emotional. i am recovering from bulimia, and have fewer slips than ever with purging (1-2x/month...a true miracle).
the binges leave me feeling sick for days. i obsess over fixing myself with macrobiotics, finding a perfect balance, and it can feel punitive (especially when i just want to eat out at a restaurant, but am so terrified of what it will do to me, i have a panic attack and opt out). i am sick of isolating with macrobiotics, not feeling like a human being because of the way i eat. i want to eat normally. i want to eat so i do not binge. i want to be able to eat with friends, without it having to be my cooking all of the time. (i do love cooking for friends and family)
i eat much more fat and protein than macro recommends. i have recently started craving animal foods (yogurt and eggs and a burger, which i never liked), and am close to giving into these cravings.

also, no sign of menstruation in 8 months!

any help would be appreciated. i love macrobiotics, at the same time hate where i am right now.

blessings,
Waller

[soysycophant]

i completely relate, do not worry. i have gone through many week long phases of eating lots of strange foods. i have gone weeks of just eating fruit, or pasta, or bread, etc. its very hard to settle into a nice balance. from my experience the hardest part of MB. i found the most difficult transition was to stop binging, i too went through a few nights where a jar of almond butter and packs of wholewheat crackers were my best friend. u feel like "well, it could be worse, i could be binging on crap like candy or ice cream" but i have learned that just b/c its relatively healthy, doesnt mean its justified to binge on. mkae sure to eat small snacks and meals throughout the day, its very hard to measure ur food intake and categorize what ur eating percentage by percentage of MB. instead maybe estimate at the end of the day how many servings u got of everything, and at the beggining just think about a controlled meal plan. i usually get up and think "well im having a fruit and some grains at breakfast, maybe ill make a salad and tofu for some veggies and protein at lunch?" just as a casual thing. its good to set urself little eating goals. and like speaking, think b4 u eat. everyone gets caught up in cravings sometimes and think "i really dont care, im gonna binge" but if u give yourself 5 minutes to consider how u feel after a binge i assure u it helps. but dont compelte deprive yourself either, have a handful of nuts occasionally, just try not to overdue it and get caught in the moment. one can never be 100% MB, no one on this difficult everlasting journey is perfect. if u love MB, then enjoy it. dont stress about the food, learn about it. if u crave something, think about why. that helps me a lot, i get sudden urges to pull out a loaf of sourdough, but then i think why and try to adjust small things ion my diet to fix that. take a look at some yin and yang charts, i find them accesable and easy to interpret and manipulate. balance shouldnt be done in a rush, take your time. balance your balance plans. MB isnt a crash fad diet, its a life experience. and like any other life experience it takes a lot of msitakes to get a lot of wisdom. good luck with everything, and try to sit back and enjoy MB.

[wallermc]

Thank you for sharing your experience. life has gotten a whole lot better since i posted these. no purging in over 2 months, and no sign of binging in almost 3 weeks.
i am still concerned about no menses and so consulted with a macro counselor. my gut tells me 'need more fat', but he had me cut out olive and flax oil and all nut butter (which i understand). my doc is highly recommending efa's. i am going on a fish oil supplement. also, since cutting back on fat, i have less energy for my yoga/pilates and dancing, and feel more spacy at times. i am too attached to cooking for myself, but for now, the food i make nurtures me, and i do not see that changing very soon.

do you have experience with eating out? also, fat intake--do you eat fat at every meal??

again, thank you so much for sharing!
blessings~
Waller

[soysycophant]

its good to hear you are doing better and you have seen a doctor. im fairly young still and do a lot of exercise so i try to get some fat at every meal. like i cook most things with organic olive, sesame or canola oil and put nuts and seeds on my salads. i eat fish very often,as i need the extra iron, but not very fatty fishes. its really good you are taking fish oil though, a very healthy fat source that doesnt require binging or eating a lot of a certain food. good luck with everything! best wishes
Mira