Boston Rice Fast Journal

[Derek]

Well, I decided to do a rice fast. It began saturday. I'm now finishing my third day. Let me quickly log the general feelings i've been getting so far:

Saturday
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Woke up feeling lousy since I was up until 2am. A rarity for me. Ate a lot late on friday night (perhaps to mentally comfort myself into a 7 day rice-only fast?). Went to Legal Sea Food with two friends on Friday night to celebrate the last day of my job. Got grilled haddock with brown rice and steamed broccoli. Pretty good. Came home, made some cookies (oatmeal raisin) and ate em. Then I made and ate rice pudding (keep in mind its now past 1am). Ended up sleeping terribly. Anyway, saturday.
Didn't end up eating until 4pm. Watched movies all day. No desire to go outside. Drank lots of tea until then. Ate soft rice at 4. Made more rice to eat at 8 (1 cup of raw rice!?). Drank maybe 16 cups of kukicha. A lot of tea. Had stomach pains in bed, and heart was RACING as I tried to sleep. Felt like my whole body was pulsing.

Sunday
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Woke up still feeling lousy. Made soft rice. 1/c. rice, 2.5 cups water, pinch salt. Made some tea. Did some laundry and made some rice for lunch. 1 cup raw rice, 1 & 2/3 cup water, pinch salt. Went downtown to get a haircut. Visited some friends before going back home. Too cold to stay outside. Was feeling slightly dazed the whole day. Started to have mild panic attack at about 4pm that I wasn't getting any nutrition. Convinced myself its for the best made rice as soon as i got home, for dinner. 2 cups raw rice, 3 & 1/3 cup water, 2 pinches salt. Ate half, packed half for the morning. Felt like I couldn't eat enough rice...had to stop myself from eating it out of the container in the fridge.
Baked cookies for my new co-workers (new job starts monday morning) Carrot-Ginger cookies from The Self-Healing Cookbook. Didn't eat ONE! (surprised at my discipline!) Went to bed feeling okay, but nervous for my first day.

Monday
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Woke up feeling strange: not hungry, but empty. Steamed 1 cup of leftover rice & made some tea. Brought rest for lunch. Ate breakfast at 6:30 am. Went to Orientation for new job. Ate lunch at 1pm. Rest of leftover rice & tea. Felt pretty good. Felt accomplished. Went back to work. At 4pm, had massive panic attack. heart started racing, worry levels spiked, couldnt walk straight, felt like having a chicken sandwich for the first time in months. Began sweating terribly. Felt hot all over. Rice fast quickly began to worry me greatly. Anxious all over, I begged to go home and break the fast with anything: miso soup sounded good. But so did popcorn. So did lentils. So did VEGETABLES. Was craving veggies and beans hardcore. Was actually craving anything. I felt like I was having a fit.
20 minutes later, felt okay. Weak, but okay.
Went home, all the while wondering if I should break the fast. Cooked rice. 1 cup raw rice, 1.5 cups water, big pinch of salt. made more tea. Now its after dinner, and I feel pretty good. Wondering if I should break the fast with some miso broth tomorrow. A bit scared to continue. Any thoughts???

[Klara]

Derek,

Please, please, please, is there anyone close by you that can see you in person and see if you're ok?

I have absolutely no experience in the rice diet (and unless your journal sounds different in the next few days, I sure don't feel encouraged to even try it) and I hope there's someone who can give you some good basic advice. How is the mental focus that you wanted to do this diet for?

Are you chewing well? The beginning of the diet sounded like you started by drowning!!! I mentioned there are variations, a bite of this, a bite of that. Would a less stict rice diet work for you?

I sent you a private e-mail, did you get it?

Klara

[Manymoons]

Derek

It sounds to me that you went into this ill-prepared and have gotten yourself into trouble. Be carefull! The rice fast is a very delicate balance that amplifies even the smallest deviation, hence it is really a fine-tuning experience. One does not run a marathon without training and conditioning.

The best thing for you to do at this point is to stabilize because sudden and extreme changes are the real danger on a rice fast. You have consumed excessive tea (liquid) and eaten fish. This violated the fast immediately. You will get nothing by flying all over the place, except turnoil and unworkable inertia.

Expand your diet slowly but consistantly, then maintain this for a while and latter you may wish to re-contract slowly and a little at a time so you do not loose control. Doing a rice fast is best done gradually by eliminating small portions and elements at a time. You can be aware of what is happening in small controlable increments. When you finally arrive at #7 it will not be such a shock to your system and you will be more ready to assimilate what it can provide.

Be kind to yourself and your body and gently and consistantly proceed. If you bounce allover the place, your body will get confused and perhaps rebell and not serve you very well.

What you are looking for can be found but the price is patience and attentivenass. Not many people can pay in one lump sum. Its easier and more effective to pay in small consistant segments.

Manymoons

[Derek]

why is drinking too much liquid so dangerous? I mean, I know 16 cups of tea is a bit excessive, but I usually drink 4 cups a day, plus 2 bowls of soup, plus an evening grain coffee or tea. thats about 7 to 8 cups (or 64 oz.) a day. I'm curious...

Also, I ended the fast the next morning. Miso broth and Sauerkraut and soft ricce. This started a chain reaction, and I ate everything in my house. I've realized that I have a major problem with overeating...what can I do about this??? I need help to find the willpower...I thought I had it under control, but I'm nowhere near where I want to be. Any guidance?

[Manymoons]

Dear Derek

I have personally been there and done that. Its not fun, is it?! Rest assured that all is not lost. If this fast appears to have been a disaster, consider what it has exposed in you. The rice fast is a very self reflecting ordeal at times. So take a deep breath and center yourself enough to realize that being a human being is no guarentee of infalability. and that you are OK and will continue to grow and learn. Nothing is ever wasted really. It is divine to be human!

The rice fast is a very pointed and sharp edged balance. Think of standing on a razor blade and the sharp edge is the point where yin/yang are balanced and integrated. You can see that the slightest move either way leaves nothing for support and a fall is most probable. There is no broad base to catch you. One must eat extremely carefully on #7 because there exists no base of safety for protection. The advantage is that during this experience all is exposed and nothing is covered up. Its much easier to repair something if it is on the table rather than under a pile of junk hidden in the corner.

Every person on this planet is looking for their own yin/yang,--------------- no exceptions. when we are compelled in particular directions it is our need of yin or yang that is the motive force. The concept of comfort food rings a bell here! Food alone will not do it all, but it is the basis for the rest. There are adjustments in our spirits that must be made that the food will fortify but not implement. This is all about yin and yang together, not just spirit (yin) or body (yang). If it were other wise the materialist would have solved the puzzle long ago, or conversely the spiritualist would have solved it. Neither has becuase each has seperated yin from yang. Can not work, will not work-ever!!!!

The materialists are probaly in the yin looking for the yang and the spiritualists are in the yang looking for the yin. The bigger the front the bigger the back. The point is that neither is wrong because each is pursuing their own need. Conflicts need not accure if one is conscious of what is happening and realize that our own needs are not always the same as those of others. It is painful when we need something from some one and they do not have it to give. We usually take it personnally and fail to see the yin/yang of it all becuase of the cloud of our own need (imbalance).

I can not be there to hold your hand as I certainly would. So I give you what I can in hope that it may jog some little thing into place. You have a need of yin or yang that manifests itseft with food. You are not alone in this. Food is easy in this regard. Finding the yin/yang in other ways is more challenging, but it is all around us. Color, texture, taste, sound,even and especially people etc. Do not be ashamed of your need and go for it. You would be a poor stewart to do other wise.

I would recomend that you establish a rather broad diet with in the context of macrobiotics and remain steady with it for a while. As time passes you could slowly contract the spectrum of what you eat and see what these small changes do. These are the tools to find your way. I recommend absolutly no alcohol, refined sugar or other simple carbohyrates a all--period. A broad range of veggies and cereals works great. Have some raw salad, perhaps a piece of avacado or some other more yin veggie. They may be yin but compares to alcohol they are extremely yang. Have fun! Make your food beautiful to see as well as eat. This will be an excercize of spirit as well as body-yin and yang.

The only thing anyone can not have too much of is gratitude!

Manymoons

PS: Be carefull of sauerkruat as it is a ballance for pork and must be respected as such.

[Derek]

I wish I knew which need I have...yin or yang. Lately, my overeating problem has become an INSATIABLE appetite. Notice how I didn't say hunger: I don't ever feel hungry, but I eat, and continue to eat out of desire. Satisfaction is slipping away, and nothing seems to cure it (i.e.=nothing is leaving me satisfied) I'm always craving more food, but not because i'm hungry...it's from some other need...one I can't figure out. The funny thing is, i'll eat too much for many reasons, not just one (say, loneliness). Happy, Sad, Lonely, Nervous, Relaxed...I can never seem to stop until it hurts (especially at night). The funny thing is i'm still extremely skinny! I eat only macrobiotic quality food, but too much of it for sure! I take in NO alcohol, refined sugar, simple carbohydrates, processed foods...
I need some guidance, because its starting to really bother me. I have constant gas, my stomach feels bloated, i'm not smiling as much and I cant focus, i dont sleep well...
Do i enjoy food too much??? I'm always excited to cook and eat...probably more than anything else that happens in the day...i'm constantly thinking about food, cooking, macrobiotics...I usually fix it by fasting until dizzy (usually about 2/3 of a day it takes), but then i get right back into overeating. As if a single bite of food triggers this ravenous desire to stuff my gut full of food. AAHHH! HELP!

D

[Manymoons]

Derek

Consant bloating and gas are the result of eating too much, and with this food, is the equivilant of eating white sugar and drinking alcohol. So why bother? You simply may not be ready for #7 or this food in any form. You are using it to to go against yourself. The outcome is the same whether you intent to or not.

You are not able to control yourself, therefore I say you have no relation to the yang. This would be your basic need. This food can put yang into your body but if your relation to yang in spirit is out, you will not be able to sustain or contain it. This appears to be your situation. This food yangizes your body---you can not contain it and are compelled to expand by washing it away---and yourself in the process. You have put yourself on a yinnizing (disintegrating) spiral and used this food to do it. You are not ready!

This food can not give you what you do not have. It will substanciate and fortify what you do have like no other. If you are negative it will reinforce negative. If you are positive it will reinforce positive. It will not turn negative into positive. Only your spirit can do that. The responsiblility to transmute is completely on you. When you eat meat you need not transmute. The animal that you eat has already done it for you. This can over ride your own inherent balance and create the illusion that everthing is OK--for awhile at least. Sooner or later we are all forced to face our own truth.

When you eat the grains you must transmute for yourself. The #7 diet is the pinacle exercize to gauge and readjust yourself, with amplified responsiblity resting squarly on your own shoulders. I am certain that all who have done #7 know exactly the pressure that it can produce.

If at this time you can not find the spark inside yourself that will afford your own self control, it would be advisable to seak PROFESSIOAL MEDICAL HELP for your problem. There is no shame in facing one's own limitation. Shame would be in denying it! No one has all the yin/yang they need all the time. We have each other and can lend a helping hand when needed if apropriate. At this point you need more than this forum, and dare I say food, can provide. Find the humility and gratitude to go to your need!!!! The yin/yang is everywhere and for you to use from many sources.

My wife has an expression: "Maybe He (She, They) have not suffered enough yet!" You will find your need when you are open to it.

Manymoons

[Derek]

manymoons,

after reading your post several times, i finally feel full. its actually quite bizarre. I also now feel my extreme yin condition in every aspect, and want to change it. The thing that hit me the hardest of your post is the notion that there is something yang that i desire, but feel compelled to wash it away. Perhaps i'm afraid of something I would discover about myself if I allow myself to be more yang...so when I decide to take myself there, what will I find out? Maybe i'm on the brink of a self-discovery and part of me is afraid. If thats the case, I accept my own challenge, and will ease myself into a more yang-ized diet, and open my heart to whatever wants to come out.

I've truly been motivated by you, manymoons. I will transmute. I think i lost touch with myself somewhere, and i'm going to find myself again. I'll keep you updated, but if you have any last suggestions or comments, i'd love to hear them. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

Derek

[Klara]

Manymoon,

In all the many wonderful posts you have written I have always felt elevated afterwards. This is the first time I was sadly disappointed.

Derek,

I was actually impressed that all that you indulge in is at least all mb. That in itself I find to be an expression of great discipline. There are many many many people who "practice" mb, but often (or not often, sometimes) find they eat the food that's too extreme (some call it cheating, I don't care for that term) for their needs. And then of course pay the price.

I think it is very important to figure out the why's of things, but along with it, to keep practicing what you do know. There's a huge amount to learn, both from mb and about mb. It is a spiral, the better you will be at one thing, it will influence other parts. I think it's WONDERFUL that you love cooking and love food. I think joy in all of life is crucial.

The only part I agree with manymoons is that these forums are limiting. It's almost impossible for you to cover all the details that might hint at where the cause may lie. That's the journey we are all on for ourselves, but just maybe someone might say something that might touch the right note for you.

I was also so hoping someone would give an answer that would also give me direction. We have a support group where we have had the discussions about overeating and eating at night. Although the advice given there was to self-talk, give yourself a pep talk so as not to do what you wish to do, I found that answer not at all satisfactory for myself. I am fortunate in that I am taking a course which if done right leads one to much self-awareness and self-growth. But the work is slow - and unfortunately patience is indeed one of the attributes that I need to work on.

I also heard from a much respected counselor that too often people want change much faster than is good for the body. Change that goes slow is what is most efficient and helpful. So perhaps take stock and realize you have made changes since taking on mb and as long as you remain on the path, you will continue to do so. And of course, you will fall sometimes, but as long as you pick yourself up and continue, you will solve your issues. Be brave.

Now for the mystery - some advice given to me is to be less yang, eat more fresh food rather than left-over, eat less beans, have good quality desserts, have lots of leafy greens, drink sweet vegetable drink twice a day, every day (something I don't do enough of) (that's cabbage, squash, onions and carrots, 1/4 cup chopped fine of each vegetable (1 cup total vegetables) to 4 cups of water, simmered 1/2 hour (NO SALT), drained, and drink 1/2 cup warm mid-morning and mid-afternoon, tea time), chew well.

Now for non-food issues that I'm working on, not to respond immediately, to listen more attentively, to take things lighter, see the humor, let go of hurts.

For myself, I think the reason I eat at night is two-fold, I feel I haven't been "fed" well during the day, I interpret that for myself to mean I don't feel satisfied, so I need either to look for more meaningful activities or to be more appreciative of what is already in my life and secondly, as long as I'm occupied, food doesn't take front and center, but when it's late at night, my energy isn't for activity, so I'm not occupied and I eat. If I could force myself to get to sleep earlier while I still have resolve not to eat I keep thinking it would work, but I still want to be "fed" so I stay up trying to feed myself, not food, but satisfaction. Yet even I see there is some progress. I don't eat as much junk as I used to, and I don't eat quite as much quantity as I used to. Like I said, the progress is slow but there is progress. And I too would welcome other suggestions that I have not thought of, but I feel great optimism that the course I am in will indeed move me the way I wish to. I apologize that the course is a bit complicated to explain and is not available outside my local area, but the emphasis is on doing practical things to change one's character traits, from inside and out.

Klara

[Manymoons]

Dear Derek

I hope you are aware of the difference in your energy from your first posts to this last one. The first ones radiated yin dispersive energy, but in this last one you are far more inside yourself (a more yang healthy state). You were spiraling out and very fast. I was harsh with you becuase you needed to be pushed back into yourself, immediately. I suspect you feel a welcome sense of relief. The yang you need is yourself!

By shocking you, I reversed the direction of the spiral you were on. Your are on a more inward directed spirial, at least for now. You will lose it but it can be found again. and each time you loose it and again find it, it will become easier. I will be here, and rest assured I will not mince words, but will be as carefully loving as circunmstances will permit. Sometimes desparate situations require desparate measures. I want to see you thrive.

When one is inside themselves the food really does its best. The food will match your spirit. It took something on the order of my shocking you to make an adjustment in your spirit. The food alone could not do it.

The altimate goal is to have yourself. To be inside and equal to yourself is heavanly. What else is there except oneselves and the moment. The moment is were yin and yang come together. The blend of the past and the future. When we do not remain in the moment we are renderred impotent, because the moment is all we really have. So to be there, is to be in oneself and that is the most any one could hope for.

Now use the food to fortify yourself and not contract yourself into oblivion. Be full for who you are. Remember the bigger the back the bigger the front!

until later

Manymoons

[Blue Dolfin]

Originally Posted by Klara

I was also so hoping someone would give an answer that would also give me direction. We have a support group where we have had the discussions about overeating and eating at night. Although the advice given there was to self-talk, give yourself a pep talk so as not to do what you wish to do, I found that answer not at all satisfactory for myself. I am fortunate in that I am taking a course which if done right leads one to much self-awareness and self-growth. But the work is slow - and unfortunately patience is indeed one of the attributes that I need to work on.

Here's a helpful little book that addresses the overeating issue very nicely:

Food Governs Your Destiny