Advice about family problems.

[AkiNara]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this in, but it is the most active.

Anyway, I'm in need of advice, and I hope you fellow macros have some ideas for me. Let me describe my situation. I'm 21 years old and still living at home due to disabilty. I have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, which has caused my muscles to become very weak, resulting in being wheelchair bound. I also have a life expectancy of 20-25, 30 if I'm really lucky. Out of my best interest I've gone macrobiotic. I've been macro for about five months now, and I feel great. But I need to become strict if I want to heal...

Since my arms are close to unusable at the current time, my father does all of the cooking for me. He's been very supportive of me and I'm truly blessed to have him in m life. But then there's the rest of my family, my sister and mother. They think macro is nonsense and have done next to nothing to support me. But it's mainly my mother that is the problem.

Ever since my childhood, my mother has been what I believe to be an obsessive compulsive cleaner. Vaccuuming the entire house two or three times per weekend, wiping the counters/sink multiple times in one morning, things like that. If there is one crumb or speck of grease on the stove, it's a "mess" and the entire thing needs to be scrubbed down, and the burner covers get put in the dishwasher. She's just really unhealthy, and it effects the whole family.

I know the best solution would be to get her on macro, or at least medication, but she thinks macro is nonsense, and knows for a fact that she doesn't have a fixation, we're just utter slobs that roll around in our filth. She is also a sugar addict, and it makes her VERY easy to anger. We've tried many times to tell her she has a problem, but she's stubborn as anything, and blames her misery on our "messes", and not on her negative mindset and bad diet.

So having her around makes my macrobiotic journey so much more difficult. She absolutely HATES the smell of garlic, daikon, miso, and sesame oil. So if we cook with any of those, it sets off her dreadfully short fuse. If my dad gets even a tiny spot on the stove, again, huge fiasco. She's absolutely ruining me. If I can even get the food I need, her endless nagging ruins my good mood.

I even went as far as telling her all this stuff for the first time yesterday, and she STILL has no compassion for me, STILL won't help, and STILL acts like SHE is the victim.

So as of right now, I don't know what to do. My father hates confrontation, so that woman isn't going anywhere anytime soon. So I'm horribly afraid that staying here just may kill me. So I guess I need to find a more macro friendly environment to live in. But I don't know where, because someone would need to wash me, dress me, get me to the bathroom... I'm just so lost right now, and my time may be running out. Life's too short for this kind of trivial bicering, and I need to get out of here.

I'm really afraid right now. Does anyone know where I can go to get help, or a macro-minded place that would take me in? I really need advice badly. Please help.

[Klara]

AkiNara,

Your post has touched me very deeply. My immediate response is I wish I could just reach into the computer and pull you out of your difficult and challenging situation. Being that I don't have those powers, I want to encourage you to do what is absolutely best for YOU!!!

I don't know if you're familiar with other healing stories. Many that I've read, the key to successful healing is to be ready and willing to break old habits that don't support you and that often means getting out of a bad situation. Believe me, many of us wish we could change the attitudes of people around us, and that is probably one of the hardest, if not impossible, things to do. Of course you are more challenged because of being wheel chair bound, but that doesn't mean you can't, if you decide to, find another living situation, ideally close by so your father who is so supportive, can continue to help with his cooking and his love. I don't know what community resources are available to you, but start doing the search - you have half won the battle when your intentions are clear and direct - find other living accomodations that will support your macrobiotic lifestyle - put up ads in the health food store, do a search on the net, find out what your health insurance can help with, look everywhere and ask everyone!!!!

What do you know about the kind of strict diet you need to be on? Have you had a personal consultation? I was very surprized to read that you include oil and garlic, both which to my knowledge are not usually included on strict healing diets, but it's very important to know exactly what your body needs to heal as quickly as you can. So that you can eventually cook for yourself, so that you can feel encouraged, so that even maybe you can encourage others by your example.

May you be blessed with many many years of Great Life, and may you have the strength not to fight your mother or try to change her, but just accept that's who she is, and you don't need that kind of energy around you right now.

Do you know the principle, the bigger the front, the bigger the back? I understand from that, the bigger your challenge, the bigger will be your growth.

So go ahead, take the challenge you were given, and grow wonderfully!!

Klara

[Ilanit]

Hi Akinara!


I was also moved by your post.
It is difficult when one feels trapped by the circumstances and when it involves physical difficulties even more so.
How wonderful that you have your dad. I have also been very lucky to have such a great and supportive dad in my life.
I also know what it is like to be around obsessive people! Not much fun especially when you feel vulnerable. That can all change though.

If you are anywhere near the new england area it would be great to somehow get in touch with the Kushi Institute. Even if you are not near there perhaps they can give you some contacts. there are travelling trained macro cooks who can help with home remedies, food, advice etc.

talk to your dad about it or maybe attending a program there with him or with some assitance.

don't worry about convincing other people about mb or their problems etc. Just do whatever you feel you need to or can manage and when they see/feel the changes in you, they will take notice - or not and that is ok too.

A consultation like Klara recommended is really important in your situation.

try to get one in person. Though some do consultations by phone etc as well.


I know from personal experience and challenges that is very frightening when you feel like you are racing against the clock and it all depends on you to turn it around. I also know that medical prognosis are often highly innacurate but can be self fulfillinf proficies. There is no one who can put a time frame on how long any of us have. There are many stories in mb and in natural healing that continuously defy the odds. and whomakes up these odds anyway?!

Fear is a natural response but just creates more problems physically, emotionally and spiritually.

in addition to the macro stuff you may like to explore some ways to use energy and spiriutal technques to break out of the patterns - they are so powerful they affect those around you by their very resonance.

however if you try to change those around you they often get worse. By accepting them exactly as they are (not easy - I do know) it often melts the resistance so it is a bit of a catch 22 - love them as they are to get them to change!

often instead of the resistance just repeat I love you mentally in their presence. it can do wonders

here are some options

Jin shin Jyutsu (you can get some sessions initially and as you get better you can do it yourself)

zpoint

www.zpointprocess.com

you can learn it online for free and it is all done mentally

the ishayas ascension

www.ishaya.org


please keep us posted with your progress.

feel free to ask any questions

with love and enocuragement

ilanit

[AkiNara]

Thank you both for your time and compassion. I really appreciate it. It's good to know I'm not alone in my battle.

I'm doing much better than I was when I posted this thread. I've thought about life, happiness, and other things over the last week and I'm feeling much more confident. I know what my mission in life is. To continue my artistic development and entertain others with my work. Spread some joy while I'm here. And nobody is going to stop me.

My mother... Well, unless I'm mistaken, she's in another of her "moods" right now. My dad's been generously making me food for the last couple hours, and I heard her break out the vaccuum, vaccuum the kitchen, put it away, and I also heard the back door and some cabinents slam. I think she's irritated again. This is getting so tiring... Repeating "I love you." doesn't work to well when you when it's less and less true by the day. But I'll be patient and keep my cool.

I do live in Massachusetts, luckily, and my dad has gone to one of the Kushi cooking classes. So, I guess that's something to be thankful for. So yes, I'm not too far from there. Unfortunately, due to my macro related weight loss, I get uncomfy if I sit up for more than four hours. But whatever, that's not too important for right now.

I'm in the process of setting up a consultation with someone a bit closer to here. He said in his email he would gladly come here for it, so that's good.

And thank you very much for the links. I'll look into all of them tomorrow. I'm not exactly a spiritual person, but if it can help me, I'll give it a shot. Life's too important to not at least give it a try.

Again, thank you for caring. This truly is a difficult time for me, so having support makes this a whole lot less upsetting. It keeps me motivated.

I'll keep you updated!

[Manymoons]

AkiNara

You state that you you are not a "spiritual" person. Given the circumstances and limitations that you are living with, I would say you have an amazing SPIRIT!

Hang tough,
Manymoons

[AkiNara]

Such nice words, Manymoons. Thank you so much. That makes me feel great.

Well, after another incident (long story short; fish, bad smell, can of perfume spray... Not good.) and some thought, my father is seriously considering divorcing my mother. I know it's sort of the "easy" way out, but we can't deal with her. My dad says he gets really tense when her car pulls in the driveway. And when she leaves, he dreads her return. It's not healthy for any of us to live with her. I think it's for the best if she left.

So, thank you all for your support. Your kind words helped give me the extra confidence I needed to overcome this challenge. I know that if I never acted against her, things wouldn't have changed. There was a good chance I was stuck here. But I changed things, and now my future is much brighter.

Again, I thank everyone in this thread. You helped me gain more freedom.