How can I keep my health/life/sanity?

[treedragon]

Right now I am living at home with my family and trying to get through school. My family is macrobiotic and I have been raised this way since birth. I am finding it very very hard at this point in my life to eat any kind of good food on any kind of schedule. My mother is not a very good cook and it does nothing but worsen. She has not seemed to hold onto her saneity over the years and has gotten to the point where many people cannot stand her.

I end up staying up late to get all my homework done(like right now) because I was too distracted earlier in the evening (my own fault, yes). My mother's cooking wreaks havoc on me and so does what I turn to if I get really really hungry. I'll go into the kitchen and eat what I can find. I find myself overeating and not getting what I need. I like vegetables like any good little macro girl does but my mother never took vegetables 101 so they are overcooked, under seasoned, or just plain and boiled. Even recently she has been managing to undercook the rice.

I tried this summer and at the beginning of the school year to cook for me and my family and try and clean up our very messy, filthy, disorganized house. Once school started there was no way I could even began to have time to fix myself anything to eat.

I lead a very sedentary lifestyle and have developed Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I know I need to get out more and cook for myself but I am faced with some really big decisions. If I try and regain my mental health and physical health my grades will slip and therefore my mental health will not have improved any because I will beat myself up for it.

Sometimes I get inspired and I try to chew my rice as much as I should. But mostly I am depressed and it doesnt matter I just have to get through the day. Get through the homework. Get through the next day. I find myself overeating later in the night and then going to bed and not being hungry for breakfast. Eating lunch. Eating a snack right after school and then eating a dinner late again. I know that I am happier when I eat less and actually get around to truly feeling hungry once in a while and eat slowly and chew my food.

Does anybody think they could help me out? I have no clue where to begin. I need to manage my time and get my grades up...but I don't want to let my health go. And now I'm telling myself what's the point. I don't know if anybody can tell me anything I don't already know myself. I may know what I'm doing wrong but it doesnt mean it's very easy for me to do anything about it. So maybe somebody out there can give me a "hand".

I definitely feel a little lost. I want to do this dance called macrobiotics and live on this planet with some kind of harmony. I don't really have any contact with other macro people or people who just feel the same way as I do.

--a three tree dragon stranded in her own little downward spiral (which will become greater if she doesnt get into bed right now)

[Ilanit]

where do you live?

[treedragon]

Um...well...how do I say this. I know where I live. But... with the situation at home and the fact that at least one other family member does have a cybermacro account I really would not like to disclose that information. I feel like I am running enough of a risk as it is. But I'm not sure where else I can get any macro support except online. I live in the United States. That's about all I feel safe saying.

Sorry

[Ilanit]

no problem - I was just trying to get an idea of where in the world you are to see if I could think of some resources.

there are some positions you may like to check out in the classifieds on this website. They sound very attractive.
sounds like youa re having a really rough time and could use all the support you can get.

If you need to get out maybe you can explore them. The position with Melanie sounds really appealing!

could you maybe offer to help out with the cooking? prepare some healthy snacks that appeal to you?

I know it can be rough sometimes when your homelife is not what you want it to be - I have experienced that too. But I have always cooked for myself since I was about 14.
I have a very close relationship with my mother but we fight a lot too. Sometimes it is unbearable. I find that the more hostile I feel towards her the worse it gets. Sometimes just thinking the word LOVE over and over while being around her has made a dramatic difference. Even if Love was the last thing I felt! It seems to shift things. I have done a lot of study of emotions, relationships and esoteric and subtle stuff and that can make all the difference.

I also used to think it was about my mother. It isn't - everyone out there is a relfection... it can seem that way....

have you ever explored yoga - I find it very freeing and helps move some of that stuck energy. just take your wrist into account. properly supervised it could help that too.

you may want to get some physical therapy on the wrist.
I find mine plays up esp when on the computer a lot. I use a small woollen sheepskin like (without the sheepskin) it is just expored wool pad and that works where all the high tech wrist supports failed!

just relax with the judgements - undercooked rice, overcooked veg. Just relax into your SELF at this very moment. Exactly how things are RIGHT NOW - you only have this now moment

check out the book
the Power of NOW by Eckhart Tolle.

anyway - just let go of all the head stuff and just be in this moment. Sometimes we cant figure things out with our heads and we just need to be and do the best we can and be open to what will present itslef to us.

as an aid to this - try repeating ALL of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory 10x whenyou wake up and go to sleep.
It sounds simple. It is NOT an affirmation -there is nothing you are denying - you are inviting aLL of life to come to you with ease. It is also a RE-cognition of the ancient Truth of who you really are. Brought to our awareness thru a method of inquiry called Access

www.accessraz.com
www.accessbeing.com

play with this all and let us know how you go!

Ilanit

[treedragon]

Hey! Thanks! Well, funny thing is I just got back from yoga yesterday. I don't have too much time right now as I am going to pack a few things and go live with my gram for a little and see how that works.

Thank you again!

I think I understand your problem. My family has been doing macrobiotics my whole life too. I am also going to college and have a part time job while trying to make macrobiotic food. I understand how you feel about you mom not making quality food. I get frustrated too at my mom because she seems to cook without caring about the end result or quality. I feel that the energy in her food is sometimes mediocre. I don't understand how a person can be macrobiotic who took cooking classes and reads macro books can cook and this way. I get so frustrated sometimes that I feel that she is physically unable to be conscious of how she is cooking. I tell her she needs to be aware how she is cooking but she doesn’t do anything about it.

I have recently become more serious about being macrobiotic about 2 years ago after going to some macrobiotic lectures. This year I decided to start cooking. At first I was becoming so stressed out because it was taking me almost 3 hours to complete a full meal. Because of my work schedule I had to make my dinner before I went to work. At first I was so frustrated about not having enough time to make my food. I was trying to make food that would make me balanced, but cooking made me feel worse. I think the stress from cooking gave me an upset stomach and I became depressed and moody. Now 6 months later I feel much better about cooking and am not stressed out anymore. I still have some problems though. I don’t seem to be as happy as before. I would like to get to the point where I lived worry free. The point in my life where I didn’t worry about cooking or time.

Some of the things that helped me was to have a system or routine. I have been cooking for 6 months and over that time I became familiar with some dishes because I cook them often. Now I know the steps on how to make each dish. Next I kept track on how long it takes me to make a full meal. It takes me 2.5 hours. Now that school has started, I get up at 6am and make my meal for the day. Then I set the food aside and my dinner is ready when I get home. For lunch I eat the leftover food from last night and for a snack I might make a rice ball or a hummus sandwich. So if you don’t have time, you could try my way. If you have about 2-3 hours free time you can make your whole meal for the day. You could make it before you go to bed or when you wake up. If you are so busy that you don’t even have 2 hours, then that might be tough. Maybe there is a natural food store nearby that has a deli with brown rice and vegetables? That might have better energy than the food you have at home. The most important thing again is to have a routine. This gives you a rhythm in life and helps you body function smoothly. Its hard sometimes when society is demanding things of you and pushing and pulling you in all different directions. I wonder myself how I can live free from stress or demands in society. I think I have to be lucky and get a perfect job or have lots of money. Maybe live in nature.

Well, good luck. I hope I have been helpful.

[Nancy]

Following are some simple tips to create peace and balance in life:

If living at home, going to college, and feeling on a treadmill of confusion...consider moving out with a compatible roommate. If macrobiotic, someone respectful of your lifestyle, possibly vegan or vegetarian people. As with treedragon, rather than resenting your mother everyday, move out and begin your own adult life. Rents can be minimal in a house with other people...lots more personal freedom than living at home. You seemed to have found a peaceful solution in going to live with your grandmother. If the house is clutter-filled, most individuals of your age usually have their own room, and that can be your place of order and peace in the midst of chaos.

If needing to find a personal peace and balance with food...first learn to cook your basic grains in just the right, fresh, way for you. If healing...grains alone will be from 70-100% of your food. If on a standard macrobiotic diet...grains will be 60% of your food. The most high energy food is organic, fresh from the store (or garden), and cooked to a minimum length of time.

Anyone needing to lose weight...eat minimal portions of the most high quality food. Fixing -a cup- of miso soup is not time consuming. Same with small amounts of vegetables, grains, and greens. If feeling confused...simplify. Simplify everything. No need to cook very fancy dishes.

If feeling harried and confused...invite solitude as a friend...turn off TV, computer, cell phone, MP3...all noise...find a place to just be...and be quiet. Stop doing...it won't kill you...in fact it will enhance your life...and teach you the joy of really living. Spend time with your nose in a flower...contemplating the construction of pistils. It will be your most joyous moment of the day.

Simplifying -- with small amounts of simply prepared, yet highly nutritious food, clearing clutter from your own personal space, shutting off -TV-computer-phone-MP3- especially when retiring for a good night's sleep, spending time alone in nature, inviting JOY into your life, surrounding yourself with joyful, peaceful people...reducing (or stopping) contact with joy killers...this will all lead to the kind of balance that will enhance your mind and forward direction...and create good grades too!

Nancy