I'm glad to be here/now telling the story.

[cesar brauer]

hello!

My name is Cesar Brauer, I'm 50 years old, I'm from Brazil, I've been living in the US for almost 13 years now.
I was looking for a fasting program on-line when i met the site and it reminded me of my experience with macobiotics in Brazil.

I was a Merchant Marine officer, 26 years old, when my son was born. I quit sailing when I first met him, 7 days old, as I arrived back in Rio from what would be my last trip as a ship crew member.

I became his primary caretaker for 1 year as his mother (couldn't breast feed him) went back to work almost right away. I was lucky to have a chance to develop a little of a 'womb sensitivity' and a appreciation for Life as I never had before. and for what promotes Life.

During that period of one year I lived in a just being created 'alternative community' up in the mountains of the Rio de Janeiro state. There, among other 'new stuff' coming to me was 'macrobiotics'.

I became a vegetarian, with a vague notion about the MB philosophy.

Back to Rio when the money (I saved in 5 years sailing merchant ships) started to finish, not willing to be back on board the ships anymore, I became a Shipping Agent.

4 years later I was separating from my son's morher, meeting my first male lover and buying an apartment.
4 years later I was being diagnosed with HIV, 1989.

The HIV crisis in me was the most intense possible 'without physical symptoms' besides the inffection itself. It was a devastating encounter with my mortality. For 1 year I could 'function' - keep up with work, but the grief and fears and losses (the lover went first!) of friends, relatives, ... the grim chances to survive were 'unknown' then. And many were dying around me.

By then I had 'accepted' that I would get very, very sick soon, sometime soon and die.

Then I was compelled to search for ways to give meanings to the 'rest of my life' and for me it meant the healing of the past - relationships with people, family ... and my self.

Then working became impossible, senseless, cause I no longer had 20, 30, 40 years ahead of me. So I decided to invest in 'inner quality of Life'. But for that I needed money, so I sold my apartment.

The lady who bought it felt that I was dealing with something related to 'health' ... and volunteered herself to help me by introducing me to her younger brother, who had been diagnosed with advanced leukemia as he graduated from the School of Medicine, spent 2 years in the best hospitals of Brazil ... to be released from the hospital when he 'refused to start chemotherapy and forced his family to take him to a MB healer.

$ monthes later he was driving a truck loaded with MB products to his home state where he found the first MB clinic in the brazil's northeast region!).

There I went, to be with him in the same house/KITCHEN for 3 monthes, experiencing wonders through MB, shiatsu, the most enlighting conversations, long hours alone in the beach thinking, rethinking everything.

Another year in Rio, dealing with everyones' panics and depressions ... when a friend invited me come to California and spend some time here for a change.

Well, after a training at 'Body Electric School of Massage and Rebeirthing' for 3 monthes in Berkeley, a course that I took thinking of a 'transformation to take with me to Brazil', I could never leave the Bay area. I found a hospice (Maitri) where I could volunteer ... and soon I was 'working' as a caregiver ... which I still do today.

I could not keep the MB as my way of living, especially when I had many logistic problems in the US (not legal, couldn't make enough money, very unstable living conditions).

But MB has been a back none in my diet and habits.

I'm lucky that I never had an opportunistic inffection although I lost Tcells along the years and started with HIV medications when the level became too low. It immediateley went up to 'normal' after a couple of years.

Now, a moment of big changes again - I just got my ''legal residence'' last March, my son is coming to visit/reunite after 13 years ... and I look forward to settle down and reincorporate MB back to my life again.

I welcome every one and I look forward to exchange whatever will enrich us.

Love,
Cesar

[garymill]

Hi Cesar,

Thanks for sharing your story with us, it was so inspiring!

I have sent you the info to get your Google Gmail account.

I have a few more invites if anyone else wants to introduce themselves in the forum too.

Gary

[Mara]

Welcome to CyberMacro, cesar brauer!

[Nancy]

Cesar,

Thanks for warmly and honestly sharing your fascinating story and your health journey along the way. Many macrobiotic practitioners share the philosophy, "how I learned to love my disease, and appreciate the journey". Nothing, and no one else, is as good a teacher as our own body.

May the future be bright and beautiful.

Welcome to Cybermacro!

Nancy

[karnul]

Dear Cesar,
Thank you for sharing your story with us,

Regards,

Karny