MacroBlogInk: a macro-Good Friday

Since I seem to so rarely post a blog, I just realized I usually only blog here when in a mild mania--before the severe aspects of manic depressive illness and delusions hit. I also do not tend to write here when depressed--mostly because I limit having contact with others when in a down state so as not to burden them with my negative energy. It often takes a whole lot of prayers for me to emerge from the depths of dark depression. I truly desire to have this blog be a positive affirmation of the healing power of macrobiotic practice.

Even though I have lived most of my adult life in a depressed state (with periods of mania breaking up the doldrums) I still do have hope. This being Good Friday, I have to be grateful I did have a macro-good Friday myself. Yes, even though I am Jewish, I still celebrate this day, as I believe Jesus is the Messiah.

What does that have to do with macrobiotic practice for me? It means I had a brown rice fast today and that I heed Jesus' words about the mental illness afflicting one soul: "this kind can only go out by prayer and fasting."

I've also started running again and this is the end of a 33 day "novena" of running each day. The change is remarkable. I have much more energy (even when not manic) and my mood is brighter.

I don't run fast--it's more of a crawling jog. I go by my heart rate. It's been many years since my Higher Self gave me a dream wherein he appeared in the likeness of Michelangelo's King David and bid me to run. This Higher Self is a kind of Chief Guardian Angel to me and I believe he is an inner macrobiotic counselor, as well.

Perhaps I need running to make me more yang, as I am sure with all the medications over the years, I struggle with yinness. Even though running is not usually encouraged, it seems, by macrobiotic counselors, it works for me better than walking or any other form of exercise. I do yoga, too, but it is no substitute for running for me.

My inner macro-counselor is bidding me to do more varied macro-cooking. Now that I do have more energy, I have no excuse. I have a daily "prayer quota" and that is mostly my focus each day. I know I can give many of those prayers whilst cooking, so again I have no excuse. What I stopping me?

My resistance stems from a deep-seated lack of self-worth: that I do not even deserve to be healed. Even so, I have a Higher Power who loves me and wants me whole and so I continue to pursue a macro-miracle through adherence to alignment with the Order of the Universe through macrobiotics.

MacroPeace,

Caroline V. Ritter