binging?

[wallermc]

i have been practicing macrobiotics for 15 months now. i go in and out of depression, which is most certainly b/c of eating behaviors. i go from being pretty strict to binging on foods--mostly macro, some not so--then, purging. this will last 1-3 days before i "wake up". the depression will last 2 weeks in which i go back to rigidly macrobiotic. i go through resentment, extreme fear in which i feel like i am dying for a few days, then somber and sad, all the while unmotivated and isolative. i come out of it, feel connected and beautiful for a while, rarely more than a few days, then i go back to it. the depression is so thick, i am not sure if i can survive another bout with it. i know it is perfectly connected with purging my food. this i have done for 8 or more years.

anyone have experience with binging on foods, and keeping them, and how long the guilt lasts? i would like to allow myself to go through this, b/c i hear it is natural to overeat on occasion. i would feel much more human allowing this, and feel the depression would not be so intense.

thanks for listening.
Waller

[Manymoons]

Dear Waller


To be human is divine! To be divine is to be inhuman!

Take it slow and easy. You are swinging dramatically between extreme contraction and extreme expansion. The idea is to find balance. You might consider charting the cycle you go through and anticipate the arrival of the need to expand and do it more consciously by having more salads during this time. A more controlled expansion in this way may help to alleviate the compulsion to go so extreme. This life we live is not really a #7 life. We need expansion and contraction, ---simultaneousy is best--- not just one or the other.

Often as human beings we look for satisfactions from the food that the food can not fullfil. The food sustains us but the real satisfactions comes from living our lives. We get from life what we give to it. When you feel compelled to eat excessively consider what you might be compensating for. What is it the you feel is missing from your life---then go for it. The food we eat and the way we live our lives go hand in hand to create a intigrated whole.

All the best
Manymoons

Dear Waller,
It sounds like you need help and support about eating behaviours. To me, it sounds like it is deeper than only changing habits to macrobiotic eating. As you say it yourself that you have been doing that for eight years... I had bulimia for 7 years and brought myself to the point of dying when my electrolytes dramatically decreased. That is very very difficult for you and dangerous for your health, I mean binging and purging. I am convinced that eating problems are signs of deeper psychological issues. You say you go in and out of depression because of changing eating habits. Maybe it is the other way round? Maybe you tend to binge and purge when you are depressed? I am not trying to analyze you here of course, please dont misunderstand, I just tried to explain what I mean. I strongly recommend you to get some support in a way which suits you. There are many therapy or support groups for eating disorders, or individual therapy options... Changing eating styles like going vegetarian (which I did) or macrobiotic (like you did) do not unfortunately allow us to get rid of bulimia. You can overcome it only if you find the underlying issues, which could be a painstaking, long process. But it is worth it! I am completely healthy now and recovered from bulimia. The will to binge and purge just left me (hopefully to never come back). I wish you all the best and courage in your battle...

[warrior]

Hi wallermc,

I think I got trough something similar so maybe I can help: try to make your self more yang, and also try to connect the state of your organs with the state of your minde.g.- an unhealthy kidney can couse feer etc.
I went trough something Ohsawa called schizophrenia(was vegan) and cured it after founding out that what I eat effects how my toughts are.
As long as we live we have some kind of will power, so I hope you will use it

[denali293]

are you female?? Does the depression occur about a week before your period? If so, you may have what I have, which is PMDD. I feel wonderful most of the time but about a week before my period I can get very depressed and horrible feeling.