I eat a healing macro diet and 1-2x per week for the past many months, i binge on high fat foods (nuts and nut butters). this happens especially at night, while i am sleeping, i eat 1-3x throughout the night. i feel unconscious doing so, but recognize this as being obviously emotional. i am recovering from bulimia, and have fewer slips than ever with purging (1-2x/month...a true miracle).
the binges leave me feeling sick for days. i obsess over fixing myself with macrobiotics, finding a perfect balance, and it can feel punitive (especially when i just want to eat out at a restaurant, but am so terrified of what it will do to me, i have a panic attack and opt out). i am sick of isolating with macrobiotics, not feeling like a human being because of the way i eat. i want to eat normally. i want to eat so i do not binge. i want to be able to eat with friends, without it having to be my cooking all of the time. (i do love cooking for friends and family)
i eat much more fat and protein than macro recommends. i have recently started craving animal foods (yogurt and eggs and a burger, which i never liked), and am close to giving into these cravings.
also, no sign of menstruation in 8 months!
any help would be appreciated. i love macrobiotics, at the same time hate where i am right now.
blessings,
Waller