[Curious]

Thanks for the responses!

I am still trying to find the root of my indulgences - or specify it, rather. Right now I regard it as a mush of feeling I'd rather avoid than face. I think the mother/ father factor works great. Let me just clarify my own situation better, to give some perspective.

When I don't eat for extensive periods of time I been to "feel" everything around me increasingly intensely. Emotions, feelings affect me more. Even sensations are more pronounced. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and feel overwhelmed by the 'feeling' that surrounds me, which I seem to lack control of. I'm just immersed in a sea of strong feelings that frighten me. I find that eating anything will almost null the depth of my sensations, will normalize and flatten my perception of the world. In fact, eating can subsequently make me feel depressed because I'm aware I took the measure as an escape to some bland frame of mind that I feel more comfortable in. Does this make sense?

Upon reflection, I feel like the issue involves the father figure mainly - I feel like I need to regain control, and like I need something to stabilize myself. Surprisingly, I easily become overly- yang after eating. Overly contracted and stiff. I feel like I lose touch with my most sensitive feelings. It's such a strange play of events.

Perhaps you can give me some suggestions or some guidance as to what is going on? Much thanks!