Dear Waller,
It sounds like you need help and support about eating behaviours. To me, it sounds like it is deeper than only changing habits to macrobiotic eating. As you say it yourself that you have been doing that for eight years... I had bulimia for 7 years and brought myself to the point of dying when my electrolytes dramatically decreased. That is very very difficult for you and dangerous for your health, I mean binging and purging. I am convinced that eating problems are signs of deeper psychological issues. You say you go in and out of depression because of changing eating habits. Maybe it is the other way round? Maybe you tend to binge and purge when you are depressed? I am not trying to analyze you here of course, please dont misunderstand, I just tried to explain what I mean. I strongly recommend you to get some support in a way which suits you. There are many therapy or support groups for eating disorders, or individual therapy options... Changing eating styles like going vegetarian (which I did) or macrobiotic (like you did) do not unfortunately allow us to get rid of bulimia. You can overcome it only if you find the underlying issues, which could be a painstaking, long process. But it is worth it! I am completely healthy now and recovered from bulimia. The will to binge and purge just left me (hopefully to never come back). I wish you all the best and courage in your battle...