[treedragon]

Right now I am living at home with my family and trying to get through school. My family is macrobiotic and I have been raised this way since birth. I am finding it very very hard at this point in my life to eat any kind of good food on any kind of schedule. My mother is not a very good cook and it does nothing but worsen. She has not seemed to hold onto her saneity over the years and has gotten to the point where many people cannot stand her.

I end up staying up late to get all my homework done(like right now) because I was too distracted earlier in the evening (my own fault, yes). My mother's cooking wreaks havoc on me and so does what I turn to if I get really really hungry. I'll go into the kitchen and eat what I can find. I find myself overeating and not getting what I need. I like vegetables like any good little macro girl does but my mother never took vegetables 101 so they are overcooked, under seasoned, or just plain and boiled. Even recently she has been managing to undercook the rice.

I tried this summer and at the beginning of the school year to cook for me and my family and try and clean up our very messy, filthy, disorganized house. Once school started there was no way I could even began to have time to fix myself anything to eat.

I lead a very sedentary lifestyle and have developed Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I know I need to get out more and cook for myself but I am faced with some really big decisions. If I try and regain my mental health and physical health my grades will slip and therefore my mental health will not have improved any because I will beat myself up for it.

Sometimes I get inspired and I try to chew my rice as much as I should. But mostly I am depressed and it doesnt matter I just have to get through the day. Get through the homework. Get through the next day. I find myself overeating later in the night and then going to bed and not being hungry for breakfast. Eating lunch. Eating a snack right after school and then eating a dinner late again. I know that I am happier when I eat less and actually get around to truly feeling hungry once in a while and eat slowly and chew my food.

Does anybody think they could help me out? I have no clue where to begin. I need to manage my time and get my grades up...but I don't want to let my health go. And now I'm telling myself what's the point. I don't know if anybody can tell me anything I don't already know myself. I may know what I'm doing wrong but it doesnt mean it's very easy for me to do anything about it. So maybe somebody out there can give me a "hand".

I definitely feel a little lost. I want to do this dance called macrobiotics and live on this planet with some kind of harmony. I don't really have any contact with other macro people or people who just feel the same way as I do.

--a three tree dragon stranded in her own little downward spiral (which will become greater if she doesnt get into bed right now)